The Often-Missed Secret to Connecting with Anyone

Illustration by Ida Rentoul OuthwaiteA very dear friend of mine, let’s call her “Saundra,” was devastated when she found out her husband was having an affair. After finding out, she spent the next year or so trying to decide if she should divorce him, or if it was possible to forgive him, and what that would mean for her life. Her many friends surrounded her with love and support, having many angry conversations about Saundra’s husband that included helping her to express her sense of rage and betrayal. Saundra’s best friend felt the most rage of all her friends, since she felt she’d been used as a pawn in the affair – as a way to keep Saundra out of the way while the affair continued. After many hours of counseling sessions, many months of separation, and many meetings with lawyers, a magical thing happened. Saundra and her husband began to fall back in love. They learned why the affair had happened, and they both took responsibility for it. He asked her forgiveness, and he began to gradually earn back her trust. They moved back in together, and now, year later, their marriage is stronger than it ever has been.

But remember Saundra’s best friend? She couldn’t understand how Saundra could ever love her husband after what had happened. Instead of accepting that Saundra could love and forgive her husband, Saundra’s best friend continued to speak with bitterness about him, and to avoid any conversation with him at social events. So Saundra lost her best friend, because this best friend missed the secret to connecting with anyone:

The secret:


It’s a key secret that many people miss when trying to connect. And when I say “connect” don’t worry, it’s not a piece of jargon like the word “network” or “leverage.” When I say connect, I mean another form of “love.”  As whole-hearted artists, we believe in love. We love our friends, and we love our customers, and we are always seeking to learn how we can love people more.

This secret is simple, isn’t it? Yet it’s a major reason why friendships break up. (I know more people than Saundra who have lost a bestie because their friend didn’t like the man they fell in love with.)

This secret works when trying to connect with people who can help your business. Find out who they love, and find a way to express that love, connection, and appreciation in an authentic way.

It works when speaking before an audience. Think about what’s important to the audience. Who do they love? What do they love?


Do they love leg warmers? Chai lattes? John Mayer?

If you can connect with the thing someone is especially tender about (like taking back a cheating husband) or the thing someone is a little embarrassed about (like an obsessive love for a cheesy movie) than you’ll have their love and loyalty forever.

What if you can’t love it?

So, what if you realize that someone you want to connect with loves legwarmers, and you HATE legwarmers?

Well, if you can’t love what they love, don’t fake it. Just take it down a notch. If you can’t love who or what they love, then accept who or what they love. Simply trust that there are good reasons to love what they love, and keep an open mind. At some point down the road, you might just find yourself rocking some legwarmers and loving it!


Leave a reply telling us who or what YOU love (and might be a bit embarrassed about.) Open up and let us connect with you!


Let us know about an area of your life where you had an “AHA!” breakthrough and see where you can “love who they love.”

Jotting down your comments helps every member of the Fairy Tale Life community learn and grow together. And that’s part of why we’re here, right? To help each other.

As always, thank you so much for being here. I truly value your presence, your heart, and your art.