My Birthday Letter
As a birthday present to myself, I thought I’d write an open letter to the girls of the world. This is inspired by a special CNN did called Girl Rising where anyone could submit an open letter to the girls of the world via their website. That project is now closed, but I continue to be inspired reading letters from the likes of Christiane Amanpour, Queen Rania of Jordan, America Ferrera, Gloria Steinem, and other celebrated women.
Posted here exclusively is my letter:
Dear Girls of the World,
Some of you will eschew the word “feminist” because you believe in equality between the genders. “Feminism” sounds, and is sometimes used contextually, as if it condones world domination by women. A better substitute is the word gylany, which means a society based on equality between the genders.
Most of us do not live in a gylanist society, but we are growing that way and there is much you can do to foster it. Here are twelve of my suggestions for doing so.
- Think freely and for yourself; you don’t have to take my suggestions or anyone else’s.
- Learn to love reading; continue to read and learn for your whole life.
- If you rail against emulating your culture’s female role models or icons, find a new role model or create your own in the powerful realm of your imagination.
- Travel. The world is, in general, a less scary place than you may have been raised to believe.
- You can do it all, but not at the same time. Commit to a goal, and see it through without distraction. Commitment dispels the confusion you might feel about what you are supposed to do in the world. You cannot make a wrong choice about this.
- Seek a variety of friends from backgrounds that are different than yours; talk with friends more often about ideas rather than about other people.
- You can live your life the way you so desire it. Don’t let anyone take away the pen that writes your own life story; it is yours alone.
- Beware of gurus who tell you the world is black and white, with clear cut rules for right and wrong; especially beware of anyone touting rules about your sexuality or body.
- Exercise; dance; be athletic; learn martial arts or self defense.
- Remember that everyone is doing their very best, especially when it doesn't seem like it.
- Seek to grow, connect, and contribute; that’s what we are here on this planet to do.
- Love without fear, and never be ashamed of who and what you love.
Heroes and Villains
Sunday, May 26, was a lazy day for me and Prince Charming. We had some movies lined up to watch, and the first was a documentary called Five Broken Cameras.
Just a couples hours later I've still got post-cry shakes. However, I also feel very glad that this documentary exists, because the end is hopeful, and the story is so human.
It's about a Palestinian man, a peasant who lives off the land, and gets a camera to film his kids childhood. His youngest son is the cutest little guy ever, and I fell in love with him over the course of the documentary.
The story is told through the five cameras he gets in succession, each after the last one is broken, often by a flying gas canister or related accident. Through these five lenses, we see what the camera saw in its life, and we see the story of how each camera met its end. Of course, what we are really seeing is the story of the families in this Palestinian village that is on the edge of several Israeli settlements. We see the wall go up, and we see the olive trees burned over and over by the settlers at night. We see the soldiers come to the homes at night to take children. We see people tear gassed, we see them throw rocks, and we see a man committed to nonviolent resistance gradually become scarred and angry as he sees what is happening around him. We also see, most hopefully, that he is always trying to heal in the best way he knows how.
I loved this film as a reminder that we must heal ourselves and each other, and to heal we must, like a doctor, first see the wounds. We must be witness for each other to the atrocities that take place in our lives.
Once you've seen the wounds in Five Broken Cameras, go watch another film. This one was part of a coaching training program in leadership, indirect negotiation and strategic intervention. Anthony Robbins has been studying what makes people change their lives for a good for many years now.
He had a conference on leadership planned on September 11, 2011. Instead of canceling after the terrorist attacks, he somehow got people to stand up and really speak the truth about how they felt about the event. There was a Muslim man who got up and said "this is retribution." Well, of course many people wanted to attack him, and even tried to there at the conference. One man, an Orthodox Jew with relatives in the West Bank (fundamentalist settlers - the kind of people who burn Palestinian olive trees) got up and offered to talk peacefully with the Muslim man.
Robbins led an indirect negotiation between the two men ON 9/11 itself that transformed both of them. They formed a Jewish-Muslim organization for understanding and peace.
I laughed and cried watching that film. It's called Negotiating Conflict: Leadership in Times of Crisis. According to this website it's available in full-length for free, although you can watch a 7 minute summary here.
We all wonder how peace will come to the Middle East and other areas of ethnic and religious conflict. The sorts of transformative moments shown and experienced by the viewer in these two films is our only hope for peace.
And now may I bring you from May to July?
A few days ago:
"What do you think happened? It had to be something tragic." I looked at my American friend, who has lived in Palestine for much longer than I have.
"I don't know. Something beyond tragic, I think," she said, looking at me intently.
I didn't know exactly what she was getting at, but I did know that is not what you say when someone loses a child. Losing a child is tragic, and one of the worst things that could happen to a parent. I could think of few things beyond tragic.
We were talking about a mutual acquaintance we both saw on occasion, ____ , a woman who lives in a nearby village. We had both known _____ to be cheerful, with a quick and genuine smile. Although she spoke little English, I enjoyed when I got to see her, since she would always communicate through her shy, dazzling smile. Knowing that she was a poor, kind, and intelligent woman who worked hard to support her special needs daughter and her dissolute husband only made me admire her more.
The last time I saw her, she tried to smile as usual. And her mouth moved. But her eyes failed to hide a pain that was too big to push behind a smile. I am haunted by that telling look - her attempt to smile as I said goodbye to her.
"I think someone must have done something to her child," my American friend said.
At first, I was confused. But then I realized -- "If her child had died, she would have just told us."
"Yeah."
The next day, my American friend looked rather pale, and told me she'd seen an article in the paper. A 14-year old girl from a nearby village had been gang raped by a group of seven men, each between the ages of 17-26.
I grimaced. "That's horrible."
"Have you put it together yet?"
"You think… it was ____'s daughter?" I didn't want to believe it.
"It must be."
"How do you know for sure? We have to find out."
How do you call someone and ask, in imperfect Arabic, if their daughter was recently gang raped? I don't know, but my brave American friend managed it, and later confirmed that the victim was indeed ____'s daughter.
My friend also told me that this group of men had gang raped before. Yet that time, each of the families of the men had paid off the victim's family to not press charges.
The story showing up in the newspaper meant ____ had refused to take a bribe from these seven families and was pressing charges.
I likely don't know all of the ramifications of that decision, but I do know that this poor woman is turning down much needed money to support her daughter and fight for justice. She's making a decision that some other parent her in village did not make for her little girl. She's a hero.
I also know that means there are seven families in her small village who want nothing more than to shut her up. Seven powerful families who are now aligned as her enemy - this poor woman whose special needs daughter was lured into an apartment only to be beaten and raped by their sons.
How can we help her? We are working on connecting her with a lawyer specializing in women's legal aid. My hope for her is that, if she wants it, she can gain refugee or other status that will allow her to leave with her family to start a new life in a place where her daughter won't spend the rest of her life fearing the seven men who will likely not be brought to justice. Then again, we can hope for justice.
And you know I wouldn't leave you without a way to take action - to do something to help ____. The Women's Centre for Legal Aid and Counseling is reaching out to support her. You learn more about them here and donate here.
12 Rituals for Art + Income
I believe that our artistic and financial outcomes are a direct result of our daily, weekly, and monthly habits, or rituals. This belief comes from research and reading in the field of habits and behavior. Even more specifically, through a lifetime of being an artist, being friends with artists, and working with artists, I’ve discovered that there are 12 rituals that, when implemented, lead directly to artistic and financial success.
With trumpets and drum rolls, here is a quick summary of the 12 Rituals for Art & Income.
RITUAL 1 — Stretch Your Spirit
Successful artists know that their work comes from a place of love, presence, and mystery. They honor that by getting spiritual: meditating, being in nature, honoring each and every emotion, and practicing forgiveness and loving kindness.
RITUAL 2 — Commit to Your Creative Ritual
Real artists do their art every day. They know that, as in a relationship, the fires of passion must be stoked daily to grow stronger and stronger. Making art isn’t just a fun hobby, it’s a commitment. They feel respect for the work and the process of growth. In the words of Steven Pressfield, they “go pro.”
RITUAL 3 — The Heart Habit: Empathy
Making art can be a selfish act, but to make it a loving one, artists cultivate a sense of empathy with their fans/peeps/market/customers. They find out what these folks love and what makes them tick. They talk to them about the art, and about the process. Successful artists communicate with authenticity – vulnerability, even – to their fans.
RITUAL 4 — Take Control of your Time
Never at the whim of others demands on their time, working artists learn to politely say “no” to invitations and demands when their gut instincts aren’t saying “Hell yeah!” This means the artist has plenty of time to make art. To make sure she does what she says she is going to do, a successful artist keeps an updated and active calendar at all times. She debunks the “flaky creative” myth by finding examples of artists who manage to find the time to have a career, business, family, etc.
RITUAL 5 — Another Heart Habit: Cardio
To avoid burnout and health problems, happy artists exercise daily. They often combine exercise with something that brings them inspiration, such as hiking, dancing, or horseback riding. For artists predisposed to depression, daily exercise is a vital part of a happy life.
RITUAL 6 — Website Magic
Artists who go pro create websites where customers can experience and purchase their art. When a successful artists has technical difficulties or feels overwhelmed, she seeks help from the Google or the YouTube fairies. She may also ask a friend or hire help with her website.
RITUAL 7 — List Lust: Building an Audience
Modern, entrepreneurial artists know that the best way to communicate with fans is through email. Therefore, their first priority when they meet a new fan is to invite that person to sign up to their email list. A smart artist’s website has plenty of opt-in forms where fans can sign up to get special, personalized communications from the artist.
RITUAL 8 — Abundance Mentality
Wealthy artists purposefully cultivate a sense of financial abundance. They stare down the sneaky “starving artist” myth and debunk it by looking around to find examples of wealthy artists they admire. They have no problem holding down a “bridge job” (one that doesn’t use the same skills that making art requires) while they work on building their art business.
RITUAL 9 — "If You Haven't God Your Health, You Haven't Got Anything"
Knowing how important their health is to their energy level, vitality, creativity, and ability to juggle all the balls that being an artist and entrepreneur requires, healthy artists add on at least one healthy habit per year.
RITUAL 10 — Challenge Your Creative Ritual
Without challenge, a happy artist knows her art will get stale and she will become bored with her work. Therefore, she constantly looks to improve her technique, to seek inspiration and ideas from a variety of sources, and to take classes when necessary. She sees failing as a normal, playful part of becoming a better artist.
RITUAL 11 — Support From Your Court
A happy artist is a well-connected one. She seeks mentorship, coaching, or accountability groups. She purposefully pursues positive friendships and communities that make her feel happy, loved, celebrated, and challenged.
RITUAL 12 — Give Back
A real artist is filled with gratitude and sees the truth of things: we are all dependent on each other for life. Out of her sense of gratitude and abundance, she writes thank you notes, gives gifts, teaches and mentors other artists, and donates to charity.
Take action on the 12 Rituals today. Which rituals are you working on right now? Which ones are you really good at?
If you have any questions, do let me know and I would love to answer them in the comments area.
I’m here to support, nurture, and inspire you to take the steps you need to make money from your art!
4 Keys to Finding People Who Value Your Work
It’s hard to believe that just 10 days ago I was crewing for a racer in the world’s most grueling (and oddly obscure) athletic event, the Race Across America, or RAAM. RAAM is a bicycle race that takes the insane few who try it from Oceanside, CA to Annapolis, MD as fast as their legs can pedal. Unlike the Tour de France, there are no stages. That’s right, there are no obligatory resting times. Racers stay on their bike a much as possible, and do everything on the bike except sleep. They brush their teeth on the bike, eat on the bike, go to the bathroom on the bike, cry on the bike, laugh on the bike, sing on the bike, and, after days of racing, hallucinate on the bike.
And who was our athlete for RAAM 2013? None other than my mother, Maria Parker, who just turned 50.
Over the course of the race, I helped her eat, bathe, and dress. I woke her in the middle of the night after three hours or less of sleep, and helped her get back on the bike to keep racing.
Daily throughout the race, supporters of Maria and our cause, 3000 Miles to a Cure, grew by leaps and bounds.
THE ACCIDENT
Then there was an accident — something terrible that we thought was a race-ender.
A distracted driver slammed into our follow vehicle, destroying equipment and morale, and causing minor injuries to the crew.
Everyone thought our race was over – even our crew chief, who called race officials to pull Maria out of the race.
But that post to our community about the accident generated more views than anything else we had posted to our cause’s facebook page. Support came pouring in.
Over the course of the night, into the wee hours of the morning, something shifted. Maria got a good night’s sleep. The team came together; a new plan to continue the race against brain cancer coalesced.
My mom decided she was going to get across the country on her bike, race or no race.
But then something incredible happened. She decided to start exactly at the scene of the accident, instead of skipping that dangerous portion of the road as she had earlier planned to do. And then RAAM officials decided to let her back in the race as an official racer.
CINDERELLA
People all over the world went crazy, calling her story a Cinderella story.
As Maria began passing other racers, RAAM interviewed her and said her race was the greatest comeback story in all of sports.
It was a very difficult race, but she finished it. And she won. Women’s champion, rookie of the year, and “Queen of the Prairies,” which, naturally, I affectionately called “Queen of the Fairies.”
As you are probably figuring out, the jump from athletics to art is merely a small hop.
Finding people who value your work, your cause, or your race, is a matter of knowing four keys. They are simple to say, but extremely difficult to do.
HERE ARE THE FOUR KEYS TO FINDING PEOPLE WHO VALUE YOUR WORK AS AN ARTIST.
- Start.
- Keep going.
- If you quit, start again.
- Keep people updated.
- You’d be surprised how many people never start. How many people say “I’ve always wanted to write a book…” but then they come up with the most creative excuses for why they haven’t done it yet. Starting is everything.
- Once you start, you have to keep going. The trick here that most people don’t get, is that “keep going” often means starting many times. Most of us take breaks. We start a project and get discouraged, perhaps after a year, or perhaps after a minute. Each successfully completed project likely had many points where it’s maker wanted to give up. Not only is that ok, but I believe more and more that stalling repeatedly is a natural part of creating anything from a 15 x 50 foot mural to a small business. The trick is to keep going.
- If you quit, start again. When you finish something, no one accuses you of quitting. Quitting and starting again nullifies the quitting. So if you think you’ve withdrawn from the race, sold your paintbrushes, or burned all of your business bridges, think again. Excuses can be valid and worthy. There’s always an excuse you can come up with and no one would blame you. Everyone would understand. Therefore, you have to be your own greatest challenger. No matter how big your obstacle is, you will always find a way to get through and come out on the other side. Get a good night’s sleep and think fresh creative thoughts in the morning.
- You can’t find people who value your work if you don’t keep them updated. I can say proudly that of all the teams racing RAAM, 3000 Miles to a Cure did the best job with social media updates. As a result, people felt, and in reality were, a big part of our team’s success. Our updates were authentic and transparent. And truthfully, without the support of the community we created, I’m not sure my mom would’ve made it up the last four difficult hills in Maryland. We read her supportive Facebook comments to keep her going. Those supporters knew they were an integral part of Maria’s race because we told them. They’d been with us every pedal push of the way. Even if you have only a few people who value your work, cherish them by keeping them updated – honestly and openly. Let them know about your struggles and joys. People love hearing about projects, goals, and dreams coming true, but they also want to hear about the challenges along the way.
Take Action:
Leave a comment below if this resonated with you, and if you have any questions about how to find people who value your work, I will be happy to answer them below.
Let my mom’s race inspire you in your own art-making and selling challenges. I’m here to support, nurture, and inspire you to take the steps you need to make money from your art!
Racing Across America
The media team and I set off, feeling like we were getting good at the pattern of what the race held for us: sleep, wake, catch up with Maria, take videos, photos and get interviews, then race ahead and find a motel with WiFi so we could update Facebook, write press releases, and send out emails about the race.
But we immediately got stopped in traffic behind an RV outside of Tuba City. I could see that the RV was a support vehicle for a fellow RAAM racer, and when I saw some of the crew for that racer get out of the vehicle, I decided to go investigate. There had been an accident, the crew told me in their German accents.
They asked me to call 911, so I did. They said "one injured." I glanced up the road and saw a Native American woman sitting in the middle of the road with glass all around her. The German crew members were trying to attend to her as best they could.
I ran back to the media car to give the 911 operator directions about where we were, and then I ran back to the scene of the accident. It was only then that I saw, up ahead on the road, our team's follow vehicle, with the bicycles on the rear smashed in, and our crew sitting on the side of the road.
We'd been hit.
I ran up to our follow van, and immediately saw that my mom was safe, and our crew was okay. My brother Will had blood running down his arm and leg, and had a swelling spot on his head, but he was smiling and joking.
My heart soared with gratitude. My family and team was okay.
The driver who'd hit us was okay too. Onlookers speculated that she was in shock from the inflation of the airbag, but that other than that, there were no major injuries. I speculate that she may have been drunk or high, because the driving conditions that day were nearly perfect. The sun was behind her, still high in the sky, the road clear and straight. The follow vehicle was plastered at every angle with warning signs and flashing lights. She told the police she'd been texting right before hitting the van.
Our crew chief immediately called RAAM officials to pull us out of the race, despite my mom's desire to keep racing, and over my protests to wait until morning to make a decision. I knew it was a long race. I knew we had many supporters willing to meet us anywhere, and send us anything. I knew that the middle of the road, with glass and bike parts scattered all around, and three crew members with bleeding wounds, was not a good place to make a clear-headed decision. But our crew chief made the decision, and we gathered as a team, supporting this decision.
Still, as we all sat, dazed, in a hotel lobby discussing where we would sleep and what the next steps were, my heart was heavy. I felt alone in my optimism that we could continue the race. Everything I believed about rising above obstacles, about continuing despite setbacks, about persistence and heart and fighting it out, Rocky style, was failing. One distracted driver, and the race was already over. I couldn't believe everyone was willing to give up so easily. Maria would later say, "What message would we be sending to cancer patients if we quit? What would we be saying to cancer researchers?" I couldn't believe we were letting down brain cancer patients in hospitals all over the world.
During the 90-minute car ride back to Flagstaff with some crew members, I tried discussing the possibility of continuing the race. Each team member in turn stated the reasons they thought it was impossible or ill-advised to continue.
Little did I know that in less than 24 hours, those same team members would be rallying around Maria as she got back on the race course and began to outpace all the competition. They'd figure out creative solutions to all the problems that had loomed so large the night before.
In the morning, Maria hosted a listening session, where each crew member got up and spoke about their ideas for what the cause, 3000 Miles to a Cure, would now look like and their part in it.
Earlier that morning, Maria had been brainstorming with various team members at home and on the road. She wanted to keep going, somehow, even though she knew she was out of the race. She decided that somehow, she'd cycle 3000 miles, even if it took longer than the allotted race time.
After the morning session, several of the most traumatized crew members, including our crew chief, decided to go home. Everyone else said "I'm in," and we talked about what Maria's ride would look like now that it wasn't a race.
Meanwhile, mom, my dad, Jim, and our new crew chief Ted took mom to the junk lot where they tried to salvage tools and equipment from the totaled follow van. The plan was to drive Maria up the road, past the dangerous stretch where we'd been in the accident. She'd make up the distance later.
But then Maria said "I want to start where we stopped."
And she did. One quick call to race officials, and she was suddenly back in the race.
The media team and took on additional crew duties, so that we were not only documenting what happened, but we were helping Maria race. The remaining days of the race blur together in a haze of anxiety, adrenaline, and fast food. At night, I awoke to the sound of her keen moans as the pain shooting through her body briefly interrupted her alotted three hours of sleep.
There was also the extreme joy of seeing supporters, many of whom had driven and waited for hours, cheer for her from the side of the road. There were so many kind strangers on the route. My heart overflows thinking about all the people who lost sleep, who baked on the side of a hot road, who gave money to the cause and food and shelter to us.
In the year that this blog has been in existence, I have never skipped a scheduled publishing day. That is until two weeks ago, when, in the above-mentioned blur, I forgot to post. I hope this heavy-duty post makes up for it.
The sweetest moment during RAAM was when mom came into the Shell Gas station that marked the end of the her official race. She had almost given up, but that didn't matter. What mattered was she kept going, pushing one pedal down, and then the other. Until she made it.
My sister and I got her ready for her parade finish - the last four miles of easy riding to the FINISH canopy by the dock in Annapolis, Maryland. Oh the joy.
Unbelievably, despite a 24-hour setback, she won overall Women's Champion. She also won Rookie of the Year, the Trane Unstoppable Award, and Queen of the Prairies.
I'm so proud of her, and proud of the money we raised for brain cancer research. If you've been following this blog for a while, you know where you can donate and learn more.
I'm so grateful to every member of the team. Each person added something important. Those cheering from home added more than they know. Facebook comments got my mom up those last few big hills in West Virginia and Maryland. I talked to her and read to her through her headset system, so I know that she almost gave up many times. Hearing from the people cheering for her all over the world is what kept her going.
To my mom: I'm so proud of you for choosing to do something so challenging, for continuing despite setbacks, and for winning the race even when there were people who thought you couldn't do it. You showed the world what heart looks like. I know you didn't do it for the glory; you did it for your sister Jenny, and for cancer patients all over the world. RAAM official media commentators said you had the "heart of a lion" and that yours was a "Cinderella story." It's not always easy being a lion-hearted Cinderella, but you pull it off beautifully. I love you Mom.
The First Step to Find People Who Value Your Work
Poor Vincent Van Gogh.
When he died at age 37, Wikipedia tells us, “His work was then known to only a handful of people and appreciated by fewer still.”
But did his work find an audience? Are there millions all over the globe who love his art?
Yes. I am one of them and I bet you are too.
It’s too bad he didn’t have internet marketing or a resource like creativity coaching. If he had, he might have been able to feel the fulfillment of knowing that his work was touching millions.
It’s one of my goals with creativity coaching to teach you how NOT to be like Vincent Van Gogh, in the dying-young-and-unappreciated aspect of his life.
Before we had the internet (and right now for the people don’t know how to use it effectively) an artist had to sit around, hoping some critic, patron, or gallery took a fancy to her work.
But now there are nearly two and a half BILLION people getting online every day according to this source. (http://www.internetworldstats.com/stats.htm).
Does that mean you can find an audience for your spider-web-inspired, splatter-painted greeting cards?
Yes.
Does that mean you can find an audience for your hand-painted, custom-fit, silicone mermaid tails?
Yes. (see https://themertailor.com/)
Does that mean you can find an audience for your erotic zombies-in-space novels?
Yes.
Does it mean you can find an audience for your paintings of plates of fruit?
No.
Because everyone paints plates of fruit. It’s not authentic.
Now, if you are obsessed with fruit, and can show in new and unusual ways that you genuinely are obsessed with it, then you might find an audience. But most people know that an artist who is painting plates of fruit is an artist who doesn't know herself well. She doesn't know what really turns her on, lights her up, or makes her feel the deep and searing emotions we all long to feel.
So to find people who value your work, my dear, first find your voice. And that doesn't mean searching high and low. It simply means discarding everything that isn't authentic about yourself, and exploring what is really in your heart to explore. Your voice is already inside you, but it’s often buried beneath layers of approval-seeking and fit-in thinking. (Hint, your “thing” is probably something you've been obsessed with since you were 14).
ARE YOU FEELING SCARED?
Afraid people will laugh at you, think you are immature, “too much,” “not enough,” boring, weird, insane, or otherwise judge you?
Well, those feelings of yours mean you are on the right track. Explore that place.
And people will judge you. But many, many more will love you. Your work will touch them deeply.
Start exploring your most authentic self as the first step to finding people who value your work.
Take Action
Leave a comment below if this resonated with you, and if you have any questions about this post, I will be happy to answer them below.
Start exploring your most authentic self, make art from that place, and find people who value your work within a few short months.
Seriously, Why Isn't This a Bigger Deal?
Named by more than one media outlet as the the toughest sporting event in the world, Race Across America (RAAM) is one thousand miles longer than the Tour de France.
It's completed non-stop, with minimum breaks. It's generally completed in half the time.
Just like the in Tour de France, racers push themselves to their limits, but unlike the Tour, they aren't allowed to draft (ride behind each other) and there are no regulations on when they must stop and sleep.
It's an event that can savage an athlete like no other.
And my mommy is competing this year. Tomorrow I'll be flying from Tel Aviv to Fayetteville, NC, and from Fayetteville to Oceanside, CA after that.
There's bound to be drama, emotion, exhaustion, elation, and instagram photos of the three thousand mile bicycle ride across the country. I'll be there, crewing as part of the 3000 miles to a cure team for my mom, Maria Parker.
Part of my role is to help update the race fans all over the world, so I will make sure you get updates. However, I won't be updating Packing Lust for another two weeks (Charming might, but we aren't sure yet).
Therefore, please SIGN UP for race updates here if you want to hear about the highs and lows of the race. It's going to be the experience of a lifetime for Maria and the crew.
Here's Maria talking about her secret weapon - her Vendetta Cruzbike.
How To Be Magical
One of my first memories of magic was thanks to my grandfather, who I used to call Bill as a child because I couldn't pronounce his favorite nickname. When I was just a wee piglet (as Bill would say) I loved to visit my grandparents at their home near Lake Barcroft in Falls Church, Virginia. During these visits, my grandparents would often take me to my favorite beach on the lake — Beach Four. Sometimes Bill would take me by himself to the lake. He used these one-on-one times to teach me magic.
My Bill would set up elaborate (at least they seemed to then) treasure hunts by writing messages in the sand. The messages would lead me from the beach to the parking lot, to the lifeguard stand, to the water’s edge, and to a small patch of trees near by.
Towards the end of these treasure hunts, I would often need to find a magical leaf. I’d bring the most beautiful leaf I could find to Bill, and he would examine it closely, eventually finding the small magical text that only he could read because of his magical powers.
The leaf would say “Throw me up in the air, and wherever I land, dig a hole, for there you will find buried treasure.” I’d throw the leave up, and start digging in the sand with my little plastic shovel. I went to Bill. “There’s nothing there!”
“you have to keep digging,” he’d say. I kept digging.
Eventually, he would say “I think you need to go down to the water and rinse your shovel off.”
So I’d run down and rinse the shovel off, and when I’d come back, somehow, just covered in sand at the bottom of the hole, was a beautiful dollar coin or an amazing glass thumb marble with colorful swirls inside.
Of course, eventually I figured out his trick, but that doesn't take away the magical aura of those childhood memories.
Much later in life, when I became a fairy princess, I learned in great detail, exactly how to do magic tricks. It’s a lot of work. It’s involves rational thinking and spatial skills. It requires planning, study, the right tools and equipment, and a whole lot of confidence and flair. But almost nothing beat seeing the amazed expression on those kids faces, and knowing that I created memories for them that they will treasure just like I cherish my memory of Bill’s treasure hunts.
From this I am reminded that life is about creating magical moments for other people, and appreciating the magic that other people bring to our life.
IT IS NO ONE’S RESPONSIBILITY OR DUTY TO CREATE THESE MOMENTS FOR US.
We must create them for ourselves and for each otherout of love. That’s why we are here.
The Often-Missed Secret to Connecting with Anyone
A very dear friend of mine, let’s call her “Saundra,” was devastated when she found out her husband was having an affair. After finding out, she spent the next year or so trying to decide if she should divorce him, or if it was possible to forgive him, and what that would mean for her life. Her many friends surrounded her with love and support, having many angry conversations about Saundra’s husband that included helping her to express her sense of rage and betrayal. Saundra’s best friend felt the most rage of all her friends, since she felt she’d been used as a pawn in the affair – as a way to keep Saundra out of the way while the affair continued.
After many hours of counseling sessions, many months of separation, and many meetings with lawyers, a magical thing happened. Saundra and her husband began to fall back in love. They learned why the affair had happened, and they both took responsibility for it. He asked her forgiveness, and he began to gradually earn back her trust. They moved back in together, and now, year later, their marriage is stronger than it ever has been.
But remember Saundra’s best friend? She couldn’t understand how Saundra could ever love her husband after what had happened. Instead of accepting that Saundra could love and forgive her husband, Saundra’s best friend continued to speak with bitterness about him, and to avoid any conversation with him at social events. So Saundra lost her best friend, because this best friend missed the secret to connecting with anyone:
The secret:
LOVE WHO THEY LOVE.
It’s a key secret that many people miss when trying to connect. And when I say “connect” don’t worry, it’s not a piece of jargon like the word “network” or “leverage.” When I say connect, I mean another form of “love.” As whole-hearted artists, we believe in love. We love our friends, and we love our customers, and we are always seeking to learn how we can love people more.
This secret is simple, isn’t it? Yet it’s a major reason why friendships break up. (I know more people than Saundra who have lost a bestie because their friend didn’t like the man they fell in love with.)
This secret works when trying to connect with people who can help your business. Find out who they love, and find a way to express that love, connection, and appreciation in an authentic way.
It works when speaking before an audience. Think about what’s important to the audience. Who do they love? What do they love?
IT’S VITAL WHEN CONNECTING TO YOUR CUSTOMERS.
Do they love leg warmers? Chai lattes? John Mayer?
If you can connect with the thing someone is especially tender about (like taking back a cheating husband) or the thing someone is a little embarrassed about (like an obsessive love for a cheesy movie) than you’ll have their love and loyalty forever.
What if you can’t love it?
So, what if you realize that someone you want to connect with loves legwarmers, and you HATE legwarmers?
Well, if you can’t love what they love, don’t fake it. Just take it down a notch. If you can’t love who or what they love, then accept who or what they love. Simply trust that there are good reasons to love what they love, and keep an open mind. At some point down the road, you might just find yourself rocking some legwarmers and loving it!
TAKE ACTION:
Leave a reply telling us who or what YOU love (and might be a bit embarrassed about.) Open up and let us connect with you!
AND FOR BONUS POINTS
Let us know about an area of your life where you had an “AHA!” breakthrough and see where you can “love who they love.”
Jotting down your comments helps every member of the Fairy Tale Life community learn and grow together. And that’s part of why we’re here, right? To help each other.
As always, thank you so much for being here. I truly value your presence, your heart, and your art.